英语笑话

Singles Day festival nor an ocean of non-soil section, which was born in the late 90s of the last century colleges and universities is a kind of campus culture, interesting products. General Speaking Singles Day, refers to November 11, its source is a continuous period of 4 on this day "1", all of them are "bachelor", image expression of the "trend that, Xingyingxiangdiao" means. Singles Day to eat The Chinese festivals always come up with innovative ideas for eating the above. 4 fritters is "11.11" and 4 "1", steamed buns on behalf of the middle of that point. This is a bachelor who"s earlier declaration, has become the mascot Singles Day. Singles Day theme song Lin Zhixuan of the "single Love Song"; Rene Liu"s "lifetime of loneliness"; Sheng"s "trying to turn tragedy for themselves"; Dikeniuzi "I do not love the person that you are"; Chu"s "lonely man is shameful"; Fish Leong"s "breaking up happy." Creative Singles Day Play Creative 1: Flash - 11 dated 11 11 Bus We are bachelor, bachelor despise mediocrity; we are bachelor, bachelor love life. If you give me a chance to leave mark in this city, we choose to flash. November 11, a group of bachelor of collective take Bus 11, nice scenery on the road, we are also others in the eyes of scenery. A group of bachelor collectively take Bus 11, it would be a shock yes ah, always been a stranger, to the common nature of the bachelor"s come together. This is unlikely to last forever - just like life, the inevitable - we have chosen to get off at a station group, an instant in the bustling crowd scattered away, leaving behind an empty 11 road car, and looked at each other people.

A stewarDess （空中小姐） wore a sparkling gold necklace a plane model as a drop looking unique and professional. Detecting that somebody around was looking at her she asked gracefully: “Is it pretty?” “Very pretty but the airport looks more fascinating（迷人的）.” The other party wisecracked（说俏皮话）. 　　有位空姐带着亮灿灿的金项链，项坠儿系一小飞机，显得别致而有职业特点。她发现有人在看，便大方地问了一句：“它漂亮吗？”“漂亮极了，不过，飞机场更漂亮！”对方俏皮地说。

是取笑黑人没文化吧

　　冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象，它以网络为主要的传播方式。我整理了关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话，欢迎阅读!　　关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话篇一 　　Two Soldiers 　　Two soldiers were in camp. The first oneu2018s name was George, and the second oneu2018s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?" 　　Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him. 　　Then George said, "Now I havenu2018t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one. 　　Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?" 　　Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door. 　　George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped. 　　"What do you want now?" Bill said to him. 　　George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "Whatu2018s your girl-friendu2018s address?" 　　军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?” 　　比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。 　　乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。 　　这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?” 　　比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。 　　乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。 　　“你还要什么?”比尔问。 　　乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?” 　　关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话篇二 　　West Point 　　My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point." 　　One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point." 　　父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。” 　　一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。” 　　关于爆笑的经典短篇英语笑话篇三 　　Five Months Older 　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. 　　But Johnu2018s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boyu2018s family name, so when he saw Johnu2018s papers, he was surprised. 　　"How old are you?" he said. 　　"Eighteen, sir," said John. 　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?" 　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am." 　　大五个月 　　第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。 　　可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。 　　“你多大了?”军医问。 　　“十八，长官。”约翰说。 　　“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?” 　　约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

1. A Teacher lecturing on population - In India afterEvery 10 sec awoman gives birth to a kid.A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.2. Sardar-why r all these people running?Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why rothers running?3. Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentenceinto future tense.Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".4. Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He wasnot sure as to what to be filled in column "SalaryExpected".After much thought he wrote: Yes!5. Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servantit"s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take anumbrella and go.6. Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealergave 11cr afterdeducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or elsereturn my 20 Rsback.7. Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This PacketSardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could haveposted it....8. Sardar"s wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who diedpeacefully in his sleep not screaming like all thepassengers in thecar he was driving..9. Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horriblelooking thing iswhat you call modern art ?Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!10. Sardar was writing something very slowly.Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?Sardar: "I"m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can"t read very fast.11. Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Localsardars have so far found 500 bodies and are stilldigging for more..12. A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening notin the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".13. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?14. Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troublesand lighten your burden.Boy: It"s very kind of you, darling, But I don"t have any worries ortroubles.Girl: Well that is because we aren"t married yet.15. Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me togive up my seat to a lady.Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy"s lap.16. A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me ifmy father hadn"t left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,"I"d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"17. Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."18. A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," saidanother.Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."19. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"Millionaire: "A Billionaire"20. Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".21. What is a girl friend?Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.22. Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world"s largestwaterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20supersonic planes passing by can"t be heard.Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the NiagaraFalls?"23. Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump."Congratulations! You"re a free man. Just tell me why didn"t you jump?" asked the doctor.To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can"t swim!"24. As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.Answering, he heard his wife"s voice urgently warning him,"Herman, I just heard on the news that there"s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!""It"s not just one car," said Herman, "It"s hundreds of them!"25. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.26. What"s the definition of lawyer?The larval form of a politician27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn"t reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"(What Happened, My Son?)31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died."But I think I know where I"m going wrong," said Santa, "I think I"m planting them too deep."33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saarinafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang rahahai ki Reliance mai Job.34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the otherensures UContinue to do so.35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper neFlagDikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.36 How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &comes to a conclusion: I"ll drink poison n let lion eat me. O" bolota ra ra.37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guesswhat they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?Husband : Nothing.Wife : Nothing...?? U"ve been reading our marriage certificate 4 anhour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara characterthik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kyahoga....???40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car kibreakfail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.50 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When aPerson asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! HigherStudies一共50个...你自己google.这么简单,还要百度知道...