- Chen
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您好:
Joke: How old am I?
A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look.
She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, "Sir, how old do you think I am?" The man replies, "You"re 30, right?" She says "No, I"m 47, but nice try."
The next day, she goes to McDonald"s. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, "How old do you think I am?" The man replies, You"re 37, right?" The lady says "No, I"m 47, but good guess."
After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies, "Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties." So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, "You"re 47!"
The lady, astonished, asks, "How did you know?"
The old man replies, "I was standing right behind you at McDonald"s."
下面网站上有很多
- ardim
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* 回复内容中包含的链接未经审核,可能存在风险,暂不予完整展示!
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Noel, noel, noel, noel ... the angels did say...
E.T. went home.
Get rid of X. There"s too many unknowns in the world already!
(Only one vowel left, or is that "Anly ana vawal laft" This may be stretching it a bit, but not unless you consider, as our good friends in Canada say: Good day, A!
And we all know that M&Ms melt in your mouth, so it"s safe to count them out.
And of course, Y not.
We might as well put off using U until later in the year: See U in September
TWA just took off!!
ANOTHER JOKE:
How you can spot a Canadian, eh? -Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)
How do you tell a Canadian from an American?
It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he"d say "zed" instead of "zee". But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it"s starting to sound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel.
Another test used to be the word "lieutenant". Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant". But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too.
Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well. They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organization in the country, the equivalent of the AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress. But news organizations have been wiping out that distinction by adopting American spelling, mostly to make it easier to use news copy from such agencies as Associated Press without a lot of changes. So it"s "Canadian Labor Congress" when the Canadian Press, the national news agency, writes about it.
Some pronunciations, considered true tests of Canadians, are not as reliable as they"re thought. Take the word "house" for example. When some Canadians say it, it sounds very Scottish in American ears. Visiting Americans trying to reproduce what they hear usually give the Canadian pronunciation as "hoose".
The same for "out" and "about". The way some Canadians say them sounds like "oot" and "aboot" to many Americans. And when an American says "house" to a Canadian, the Canadian often hears a bit of an "ay" in it, something like "hayouse".
But pronunctiaiton isn"t a good test because people from different parts of Canada speak differently. A resident of the Western province of Alberta, where there has been a considerable inflow of settlers from the United States, may sound like a Montanan or a Dakotan.
Then there"s the ubiquitous Canadian expression "eh?" - pronounced "ay?" This is a better test because many Canadians tack it on to the end of every assertion to turn it into a question.
ONE MORE JOKE:
Florida Crazy Law
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
Looking for more dumb laws? Check out D******.com!
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Big Pine Key
It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail.
Cape Coral
It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.
It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street. This law is limited to only those who do not own the house. (Repealed 2000)
Daytona Beach
Sec. 10-56. While intoxicated, under influence of narcotics, prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired. (Code 1955, � 28-64)
Sec. 18-2. Weeds, trash, etc., as a public nuisance; removal by property owner or by city at owner"s expense; notice and hearing; lien for expenses. (a) The existence of weeds, trash, undergrowth, brush, filth, garbage or other refuse on any lot, tract or parcel of land within the city which has caused the property to become, or which may reasonably cause the property to become infested, or inhabited by rodents, vermin or wild animals, or may furnish a breeding place for mosquitoes or threatens the public health, safety or welfare, or may reasonably cause disease or adversely affects and impairs the economic welfare of the adjacent property, is declared to constitute a public nuisance and is hereby prohibited.
Sec. 22-44. Storage, depositing prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person, either as owner, occupant, lessee, agent, tenant, or otherwise, to store or deposit, or cause or permit to be stored or deposited, any abandoned, junked or discarded motor vehicle or motor vehicles upon any public or private property within the city. (Code 1955, � 20-11)
The molestation of trash cans is banned.
Hialeah
Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
Sec. 3-1. Bird sanctuary declared. (a) It is hereby declared that all territory embraced within the corporate limits of the municipality shall be a bird sanctuary. (b) It shall be unlawful for any person within the municipality to shoot, trap or in any manner kill, wound or maim any bird of any kind, or at any time to throw at any birds of any kind any missile with slingshots or any other weapon, or to disturb their eggs or their young or their nests. (Ord. No. 8-59, �� 1, 2, 8-10-59)
Jupiter Inlet Colony Inlet
Key West
Chickens are considered a "protected species".
Miami
Sec. 8-3. Bell or other warning device. No person shall operate a bicycle unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least 100 feet, but no bicycle shall be equipped with, nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle. (Code 1967, � 8-3; Code 1980, � 8-3)
It is illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Pensacola
A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.
Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.
Pinecrest
In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained. Sec. 12-23. Registration required; application; transferability; false statements. (a)All persons must complete and submit to the village an emergency contact registration form for their alarm if they operate or cause to be operated an alarm system in the village. A separate registration is required for each alarm system. Upon receipt of a completed registration form, the police department shall issue a numbered alarm sticker to the applicant to facilitate retrieval of registration information. (Ord. No. 97-17, � 1, 10-14-97)
Sanford
Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
Sarasota
You may not catch crabs.
If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00.
Tampa Bay
It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
- 南yi
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我给你讲一个,你是课堂要用吧?!
A girl stepped on a man"s foot."I"m sorry!"She said.
The man replied"I"m sorry too!"
The girl wondered,then said"I"m sorry three."
The man bacame puzzled,"What are you sorrying for?"
The girl said"I"m sorry five."