clou-
The Rabbit and The Wolf"
One day a rabbit was walking near the hill. He heard someone crying,‘Help! Help!"It was a wolf. A big stone was on the wolfs back. He cried, "Mr. Rabbit, take this big stone from my back, or I will die."
The Rabbit moved the stone from the wolfs back. Then the wolf jumped and caught the rabbit.
“If you kill me, I will never help you again.” Cried the rabbit . “Ha,ha!You will not live, because I will kill you." said the wolf.
‘I helped you. How can you kill me? It"s unfair. You ask Mrs. Duck. She will say that you are wrong." said the rabbit. “I will ask her,” said the wolf.
So they went to ask Mrs. Duck. The duck listened to their story and said,” What stone? I must see it. Then I can know who is right. “So the wolf and the rabbit and the duck went to see the stone.
"Now, put the stone back," said Mrs. Duck. So they put the stone back. Now the big stone is on the wolf"s back again.
That"s all for my story. Thanks for listening.
兔子和狼
一天，兔子先生正在山坡附近遛哒，他听到有人在呼救：“救命呀！救命呀！”他这边瞧瞧，那边望望，他发现了可怜的狼先生，一块大石头掉下来压在狼先生的背上，他起不来了。他喊道：“兔先生，把这块大石头从我背上搬开，要不然我会死的。”兔子好不容易把大石头从狼背上搬开，这时，狼跳起来，把兔子叼在嘴里。“如果你吃了我，”兔子叫喊着，“只要我还活着，我再也不帮你的忙了。” “你不会活了，”狼说，“因为我要吃了你了。” “好人是不会杀救过他命的恩人的，”兔子说，“这很不公平，你去问鸭子夫人，她很胖，她样样事情都通晓，她一定会说没有一个好人会干出这种事情来。” “我去问她”，于是，狼和兔子到了鸭子家。狼说：“当兔子先生在山坡附近坐下时，我抓住了他，因此，我要吃掉他。现在你来谈谈你是怎样想的吧。” “我从他的背上搬开好大的一块石头，”兔子说，“因此，我说他不应该吃掉我，因为我救了他。现在你说说你的看法吧。” “什么石头？”鸭子夫人问。“山附近一块石头，”兔子说。“我必须去看看，”鸭子说，“如果我连那块石头也没有看见，那我怎么说得出我的看法？”于是，狼、兔子和鸭子一起去看那块石头。现在你知道结果是什么了。
The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
老猫
一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.
He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man"s house today, for I cannot get over the river."
He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.
Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。
他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。”
他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。
不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
城里老鼠和乡下老鼠
从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”
乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You"re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What"s the meaning of the word "Drunk", dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there"s only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉"字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
余辉-
hey Are Directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. They.are directly from America. ”
汉译：
真美钞
一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。”
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That"s too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I"d know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You"re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What"s the meaning of the word "Drunk", dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there"s only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉"字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest"s plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn"t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick"s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
Jim"s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn"t his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
One good turn deserves another
I was having dinner at a restaurant whenHarry Steele came in. Harry worked in a lawyer"s office years ago, but he is now working at a bank. He gets a good salary, but he always borrows money from his friends and never pays it back. Harry saw me and came and sat at the same table. He has never borrowed money from me. While he was eating, I asked him to lend me &2. To my surprise, he gave me the money immediately. "I have never borrrowed any money from you," Harry said,"so now you can pay for my dinner!"
我正在一家饭馆吃饭，托尼.斯蒂尔走了进来。托尼曾在又家律师事务所工作，而现在正在一家银行上班，他的薪水很高，但他却总是向朋友借钱，并且从来不还。托尼看见了我，就走过来和我坐到一张桌子前。他从未向我借过钱，但他吃饭时，我提出向他借20英镑。令我惊奇的是，他立刻把钱给了我。“我还未向你借过钱。”托尼说道，“所以现在你可以替我付饭钱了！”
好消息＆坏消息！
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I"ve got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That"s wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What"s the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, "Good afternoon," the undergraduates respond, "Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好"，本科生们回答说‘下午好"。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。
餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。”
爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn"t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That"s fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
Once there was a little girl who grew up under the watchful eye of her peculiar grandmother. She never had any sweets or pastries, for all her grandmother made were steamed vegetables and cabbage soup. When her friends threw her a party on her 16th birthday she discovered the wonders of cakes and cream and unsurprisingly fell in love with it. She liked the smell of butter and eggs and grew to hate the sickly smell of cabbage soup. She had never realized how tasteless steamed vegetables were and didn"t like the rubbery texture. But the little girl loved her grandmother dearly and knew she mustn"t let her grandmother find out how much she detested the food. Instead, she secretly decided, that she must find a way to make her grandmother as hopelessly infatuated with cakes as she were. Having made up her mind, the little girl started putting her plan into action and chaos ensued, but that"s a different story...
曾今有一个女孩与她的奶奶相依为命。奶奶有点奇怪，生平只会弄白菜汤和清蒸菜给小女孩吃。小女孩的十六岁生日那年，朋友们替她办了庆生宴，于是小女孩人生第一次尝到了蛋糕和甜点，毫无悬念地坠入了爱河。她有多喜欢奶油和鸡蛋的味道就有多讨厌白菜汤油腻的味道。吃到清蒸菜的时候她发觉嘴里的东西一点味道也没有，咀嚼起来一点弹性也没有，心里开始由衷讨厌清蒸菜。但是小女孩深爱着自己的奶奶，所以决定绝不可以让奶奶知道自己有多讨厌奶奶的菜。她私下觉得只要让奶奶像自己一样爱上蛋糕事情就可以被圆满解决。一旦下定决心，小女孩立刻展开了行动，于是家里被搞得鸡飞狗跳，但是那已经是故事的另一个开始。。。
够多了吧...
陶小凡-
Once upon a time,there was a mouse father. He wanted to marry his daughter to the greatest person in the world.But,who was the greatest person in the world?Oh!The sun!He must be the greatest person in the world.The mouse father went to talk to the sun.“Hello!Mr.Sun.I know you are the greatest person in the world.Would you marry my daughter?” “What?I"m not the greatest person in the world.The greatest person is the cloud.If he comes out,I"ll be covered.” The mouse father went to talk to the cloud.“Hello!Mr.Cloud.I know you are the greatest person in the world.Would you marry my daughter?”“What?I"m not the greatest person in the world.The greatest person is the wind.If he comes out,I"ll be blown away.” The mouse father went to talk to the wind.“Hello!Mr.Wind.I know you are the greatest person in the world.Would you marry mydaughter?”“What?I"m not the greatest person in the world.The greatest person is the wall.If he comes out,I"ll be stopped.” The mouse father went to talk to the wall.“Hello!Mr.Wall.I know you are the greatest person in the world.Would you marry my daughter?” “What?I"m not the greatest person in the world.The greatest person is YOU,the mouse.” “The greatest person in the world is … mouse?” “Yes,the greatest person in the world is mouse.See?If mouse comes out,I"ll be bit!” The mouse father was very happy.
He finally knew mouse was the greatest person in the world.
He would marry his daughter to the handsome mouse next door.
苏州马小云-
Last week, Mrs Black went to London. She didn"t know London very well, and she lost her way. Suddenly she saw a man near a bus stop. She went up to the man and said, “Excuse me! Can you tell me the way to the hospital, please?” The man smiled. He didn"t know English! He came from Germany. But then he put his hand into his pocket, and took out an English dictionary. He looked up some words. Then he said slowly, “I"m sorry I can"t understand you.”
上周，布莱克夫人去了一趟伦敦。她不太熟悉伦敦，结果她迷路了。突然她在一个公共汽车站附近看见一位男子。她急忙向这位男子走去，说道：“劳驾您一下！请您告诉我去医院的路，好吗？”这位男子笑了。他听不懂英语。他来自德国。但是他将手伸进了自己的衣袋里，从里面掏出了一本英语词典。他查找到了一些单词。然后他一字一句地说：“我很抱歉我听不懂你说的话。”
小教板-
这个故事的结局不好