英语翻译we dutifully participate in this mass ritual of public d

这段话有几个语法逻辑错误,我改正如下,请过后自行核对参考源.
We dutifully participate in this mass ritual of public devotion,paying for the (定冠语在extra前不是后) extra prix fixe while packed elbow to elbow with others when it would be (去掉a) way more romantic to have a great restaurant mostly to ourselves the next night.
翻译：我们（消费者）尽职地承担这项为公众奉献的大型仪式,即支付多于菜单定价的饭钱.与此同时我们（这些消费者）手肘碰手肘的挤坐在一起,觉得再浪漫不过的事就是能坐在餐馆里稍加清净的吃一顿饭.
词语分析：mass ritual本指一种宗教仪式,此处意译.prix fixe为法语源词,意为定价客饭的价格 elbow to elbow=knee to knee=cramped意思是摩肩接踵形容拥挤.have a great restaurant mostly to ourselves这是一种表达,直译就是希望这个餐厅基本都属于我们.比如说I just want to sit all to myself就是指这地儿太挤了我就想一个人好好坐着.这种表达关键在于这个To.way more中的way这里是一个程度的副词
句子结构：when,while在这里就是引导时间状语从句,前后两句发生的时间一致.你看从句的时态都是一样的嘛,would不是作will的过去式哈这里,它在这里和could,might是一回事.
We dutifully participate in this mass ritual of public devotion（一个简单句）,paying for the extra prix fixe （这个短句是定语,修饰前面）,while（与此同时,时间状语) packed elbow to elbow with others when（先行词引导这个时间状语从句) it would be way more romantic to have a great restaurant mostly to ourselves the next night .
拙见,供参考.